As some of you may know, I detest travel of all sorts. We were put on this earth to have fun, not to worry about losing stuff or waiting in long lines or driving in traffic or sitting in claustrophobic, mechanical birds on seats designed for miniature aliens. In addition to loathing the process itself from beginning to end, the actual act of finally being somewhere else often does not quite make up for the journey; in fact the whole process at times effects such a conclusion to this miserable undertaking that the destination itself can be even more intolerable than all the annoying means of getting there!
Living in the 21st century however, and not wanting to become one of those weird, hermit-like oddballs who does not even use the internet or own a phone- you know, one of those people who is inexplicably proud of their tech aversion, seems perpetually in terrible need of a haircut, and has a rather glazed, look that blares "I pine for the nineteenth century" - occasionally I am forced to partake of this form of incredible, unbelievable inconvenience.
The ascending order of bothersome, insufferable experiences connected with the various types of excursions that force you to leave your home for extended periods starts with road trips at the bottom at the list of inconveniences and works its way up to dreaded TSA and flying experiences. If a car rental is involved, add a hundred points.
Day One of What Will Be a Short Diary
It's so weird getting up at 5:00 a.m., and this is not even the big day of departure (when I will have to be awakened well before 4:00 a.m.)!!! It's the day before alighting, because like many insane people, we are rehearsing for something we really needn't rehearse for. Of course when we first purchased tickets we had to snag the 7:00 a.m. for the upcoming trip, at one of the world's busiest, most confusing airports, because that was the only affordable time matching our desired dates. This arrangement means waking at 3:00 a.m. tomorrow, or will it still be kind of today?
And so we decided to ease ourselves into the horror of opening our eyes in shock and awe in the dead of night as if from a bad dream by attempting to do that very same act of idiotic, wake-up endurance the day before, in order to get used to the idea; crazy, huh? I've omitted some of the more grisly details here that will be involved in the actual early, early morning getting- out- of- the- house challenge on departure day, like the nuances of too quickly showering in the dark and then lugging suitcases into a cab with wet hair and no breakfast. It's too awful to even write about.
Efforts to get to bed at 8:00 p.m. this past week failing miserably, we threw it all into the day prior to the trip. So as I write, here I am, it's already 8:30 a.m. and I've been up for three and half hours, actually wide awake for the last one hundred eighty of those two hundred and ten minutes!!! And we're not even leaving today. . . .
The first glimmer of consciousness upon arising at such an hour always is the most horrible. After quickly cycling through all the familiar stages of grief regarding trip preparations, there is finally acceptance as we eat a tasteless breakfast- badly prepared since we've gotten rid of most perishables- and then deal with the joys of upset stomach. We are now ready to start the final, day before prep.
An hour on and zombie-like we are going through the motions of seeing to the last details, getting the house ready, over watering the plants until the poor, helpless roots are veritably drowning, repacking for the fifteenth time. Aaaahhh, packing. . . . an activity (an obsession?) that may well merit a novella at a future date. As my friend Diane says, you still have to get dressed each day, but you do not have your closet with you.
Now all we have to do is wait until 8:00 p.m. tonight so that we can unsuccessfully try to fall asleep and then proceed to toss and turn, get up and watch TV and hit the pillow again about 1:00 a.m., when we can catch an hour so of something resembling sleep (but not really qualifying as sleep!) before getting up again and leaving.
People do this for fun???
(Next Week: Part Two, Being There. . . .)
Oh dear, to fight those air travel woes can only suggest you give up those crack-of-dawn flights for more civilized take-off times like 11:00 AM, use points to upgrade, request emergency aisle seats with more leg-room, and look into members lounges, some even have showers and all of them have well-stocked bars!
ReplyDeleteBon voyage!