The Adventures. . .Gosh, We Need a Change. . . .

Nootchie is fed up with all the media attention to the next big election! Fed, fed, fed, fed, up! Upsky!

She hears it on the street, catches the drift from the older sibs of baby friends, senses it in the air, left, right, up, down, whoopsy daisy round and round, politics shmalotics!!! She definitely needs a change- fast- and not just “diaper.” What she’d really like is some screen time of her very own without having to wait out the rest of the two years in the screen-less desert that began with her birth as a “precaution” of some sort; for now she is relegated solely to cutsie board books and other such boringly innocuous parental choices purportedly designed to protect her tiny though burgeoning intellect. Hmmmph! She’s really not all that into “smart” at present- any idiot could see that as she drools and grabs for your eyeglasses, or maybe an earring- though she’s not above manipulation when she needs to get out of the stroller. But that’s another story. A girl has to live. You make choices, you stick by them. It’s time to party.

Through the Gaga Grapevine she’s gathered that there’s this really cool show called something like “Sissy May Treat” with a furry, funny blue monster that loves cookies and she’s dying to catch it. There are no doubt other cool shows too, super cool! But for now, all the screen time in the world seems to be devoted to adults watching other adults blabbering about shmalotics and something called the “bee dates” or maybe “dee bates” or perhaps “dee dates” which she thinks has to do with dried fruit arguing with each other about who should “run” or be the “candy date.” She can’t wait to run! But first of course she has to learn how to crawl. Why would any kind of candy “argue” when it’s just there to be eaten and enjoyed? Okay, she actually hasn’t tasted this goody yet, but through her contacts she’s heard. . . .

Anyhow, for now she’s just plain sick, sick and tired of the whole thing, which is why after practically no thought whatsoever she has decided to run for Baby President.  After she gets them to change the age limit through extensive lobbying and the unswerving backing of other babies- and just check out any playground these days if you want to get an idea of her support numbers - the mainstay of her platform will be simple, direct, a cake walk, literally, occasionally with whipped cream on top. Her platform? A walk in the park: “Fun! Fun! As much fun as we can get!!!” The logo will be a set of plastic keys of course. Babies love keys- it’s a no brainer. She’ll get some onezees made up with her picture. Photo ops will take place mainly in the bouncer since this definitely is much more fun than being strapped into the car seat contraption that feels like two consecutive life sentences in Alcatraz.

It ain’t easy being one of the little people, but with determination she is sure she can effect change. We concluded the interview with her nap.